One of the questions I get asked a lot in my coaching practice is this; “Terry, I just cannot find the right people to connect with, people who will not judge me; where do I look?” That is a great question and a tough question for someone who has been hurt time and time again in relationships. If that is you then I get it. Your guard is up. You have placed relational walls around your emotional heart to protect yourself from further pain and wounds. But, if you start looking in the right place and take a risk you WILL find the right relationships you need to become the person you want to be. There is no doubt that we grow when we have healthy relationships in our life.
Where to Start Looking:
Consider what Henry Cloud suggests for your starting point:
“Be on the lookout for good and real, not perfect and ideal. Look for people and situations that have great goodness but are also aware of their imperfections and are working on them. If you do that, you will find rich, fulfilling people, situations, employees, employers, friends, churches, and the like.
There is real goodness in this world. But if we are looking for perfect, we will have to go to another world altogether. And that is a fantasy.
If you are dating, look for a person who is aware of his or her issues and struggles, as well as all the things you are attracted to. If you are looking for a church, find one that has a community of fellow strugglers along the journey of life.
If you are looking for a circle of friends, find one where the people are real, not trying to look perfect or ideal. Look for people who are humble and able to laugh at themselves — those who are aware of themselves and are not troubled by their own kookiness.
And by the way — strive to be that kind of person yourself. Repent from the pursuit of “perfection.” Whether trying to be perfect or looking for it elsewhere, repent. Once you do, you’ll “never go back.”
This is great advise from Dr Cloud. Don’t try to be perfect, admit your own faults and look for the same in others (imperfect people who are humble and able to admit it).
LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS
Do you want to more help finding the right people to connect with? I can help, I am an Executive & Life Coach. Give me a call or email (231-499-9069 or [email protected]). I look forward to working with you!