How to Deal With A Critical Person

James, a Young Professional Surrounded by Criticism

James was a young professional with a promising career ahead of him. Fresh out of college, he landed a job at a reputable company and quickly established himself as a hardworking and dedicated employee. But despite his success, James found himself constantly surrounded by critical people—both at work and in his personal life.

His boss never seemed satisfied with his performance, always pointing out what he could have done better. His friends often made sarcastic remarks about his choices and belittled his accomplishments. Even his family had a way of turning every conversation into a critique of his life decisions.

James didn’t realize it, but he gravitated toward these negative and critical people. He believed that if he could just meet their expectations and earn their approval, he would finally feel confident and secure. So, he tried harder to please them, often going out of his way to meet their demands and ignoring his own needs. But no matter how much he tried, the criticism never stopped, leaving him feeling drained and inadequate.

The Impact of Critical People on Our Lives

We all encounter critical people in our lives—those who always have something negative to say or who make us feel like we’re never good enough. These individuals can be bosses, friends, family members, or even acquaintances. Their constant criticism can make us doubt ourselves, erode our self-esteem, and drain our energy. As Proverbs 15:4 says, “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” Critical people can break our spirit if we allow their negativity to take root in our hearts.

But why do some of us, like James, seem to attract these people and, worse, try to please them? Dr. Henry Cloud, a renowned psychologist and author, notes, “We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing.” For James, the pain of staying around critical people became too much to bear, and he needed to change his approach.

Here are some strategies to deal with critical people and protect your peace:

Strategy 1:  Stand Up to Them

Sometimes, the best way to deal with critical people is to stand up to them. This doesn’t mean engaging in a confrontation, but rather setting clear boundaries about what you will and won’t accept. For example, if your boss constantly criticizes you without offering constructive feedback, it’s okay to respectfully address the issue.

Example: James could say to his boss, “I appreciate your feedback and want to improve, but I find that constant criticism without guidance on how to improve is not helpful. Can we focus on constructive ways I can enhance my performance?”

Standing up to critical people can be empowering and often leads to a more respectful dynamic. As Jordan Peterson, a clinical psychologist and professor, suggests, “Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.” If you wouldn’t allow someone you care about to be treated poorly, don’t allow it for yourself either.

Strategy 2: Be Honest with Them

Being honest with critical people about how their words affect you can sometimes lead to positive changes in the relationship. They may not realize the impact of their criticism or may have never been confronted about their behavior.

Example: James could talk to a friend who is always critical and say, “I value our friendship, but I often feel discouraged when you make negative comments about my choices. It would mean a lot to me if you could be more supportive.”

Proverbs 27:5 says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” Sometimes, an honest conversation is what’s needed to bring about understanding and change.

Strategy 3: Avoid Them When Necessary

In some cases, the best way to deal with critical people is to avoid them altogether. If someone’s negativity is consistently bringing you down and there’s no sign of change, it might be time to distance yourself from that person.

Example: If James finds that a particular colleague is always negative and critical, he could choose to limit his interactions with that person and focus on spending time with more positive coworkers.

Dr. Henry Cloud reminds us that “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A lack of boundaries often leads to resentment, anger, and burnout.” Protect your peace by setting boundaries with those who bring negativity into your life.

Strategy 4: Associate with Positive People

Surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people can help counteract the effects of critical individuals. These are the people who lift you up, encourage you, and see the best in you.

Example: James could seek out new friendships or professional relationships with people who are positive and supportive. He might join a networking group or find a mentor who inspires and encourages him.

As Proverbs 13:20 says, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Choose to spend time with people who bring out the best in you.

Strategy 5: Don’t Try to Win Them Over or Change Them

It’s natural to want to win over critical people or change their perspective, but this is often a futile effort. Critical people are usually set in their ways and may not change no matter how much you try to please them. Instead of wasting your energy trying to change them, focus on changing your response to them.

Example: Instead of trying to win his boss’s approval by working extra hours and going above and beyond, James could focus on doing his best work and letting that be enough, regardless of his boss’s reaction.

Jordan Peterson emphasizes the importance of not letting others’ negativity dictate our actions: “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.” Focus on your growth and improvement, not on trying to change someone else’s behavior.

Take Ownership of Your Life

Dealing with critical people can be challenging, but it’s essential to protect your peace and well-being. By standing up to them, being honest, avoiding them when necessary, surrounding yourself with positive people, and not trying to change them, you can create a more positive and fulfilling environment for yourself.

Remember, you are responsible for your happiness and growth. Don’t let the negativity of others dictate your worth or direction in life. Instead, focus on becoming the best version of yourself and seek out those who encourage and support you along the way.

If you’re struggling to deal with critical people in your life and need support, consider seeking life coaching. With guidance, you can learn to set boundaries, build confidence, and create healthier relationships. Contact Terry today to start your journey toward a more positive and empowered life!

About Terry Porter and His Life Coaching Practice

Terry Porter is an Executive Life Coach. Working with clients to clarify and pursue their life dreams.

Terry Porter is a seasoned life coach with over 20 years of experience helping individuals and couples navigate the complexities of life and relationships. As an ICF-certified coach who adheres to the highest ethical standards, Terry brings a wealth of knowledge, empathy, and insight to his coaching practice. His background as a pastor and his extensive training under renowned experts like Dr. John Townsend, co-author of Boundaries and Boundaries in Marriage, uniquely position him to guide clients through personal and professional growth.

Terry specializes in helping clients discover their true identity, develop healthy relationships, and achieve their personal and professional goals. His coaching approach is rooted in understanding each person’s core values, strengths, and challenges, enabling them to build a life that aligns with who they are and what they aspire to be.

With certifications as a marriage facilitator through the Save Your Marriage Before It Starts (SYMBIS) and SYMBIS+ programs, Terry is also adept at guiding couples toward deeper connection and mutual understanding. Whether you’re looking to improve your communication skills, set healthy boundaries, or find clarity and purpose in your life, Terry’s coaching practice provides a supportive and transformative environment for growth.

Start your journey with Terry Porter today and discover how life coaching can empower you to live with purpose, confidence, and authenticity. Reach out to learn more and take the first step toward a more fulfilling life.

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