How to Develop Your Personal Identity

A Story of Insecurity and Uncertainty

Emily was in her early twenties, fresh out of college, and feeling completely lost. Despite having a degree, she had no idea who she really was or what she wanted in life. Every decision felt overwhelming, and she found herself constantly comparing herself to others, trying to mimic their successes, their style, their values. But no matter how hard she tried to fit into someone else’s mold, the deep insecurity remained. Emily’s uncertainty about her identity left her feeling anxious, isolated, and unfulfilled.

Emily’s story isn’t unique. Many young adults struggle with a lack of identity, feeling as though they are drifting through life without a clear sense of who they are. This insecurity can lead to unhealthy behaviors, strained relationships, and a pervasive sense of dissatisfaction. The journey to discovering and developing your identity is not easy, but it is one of the most important undertakings you can pursue.

The Danger of Trying to Be Someone You’re Not

Before we dive into how to discover your identity, it’s essential to understand the dangers of trying to be someone you’re not. When you attempt to live according to someone else’s values, strengths, or lifestyle, you deny your true self. This can lead to a constant feeling of inadequacy because you’re striving to meet standards that aren’t aligned with who you are.

Dr. John Townsend, a renowned psychologist and co-author of the book Boundaries, says, “You were created with specific traits, strengths, and weaknesses for a reason. Embrace who you are rather than attempting to live as someone else. Only then can you find true fulfillment.”

Similarly, Dr. Jordan Peterson, a clinical psychologist and author of 12 Rules for Life, emphasizes, “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.” The danger of comparison is that it distracts you from your unique journey and prevents you from cultivating your own identity.

Are you ready to take ownership of your life and learn WHO you are? Schedule a session with Terry Porter.

Principles for Understanding and Developing Your Identity

Discovering who you are requires introspection, honesty, and a willingness to embrace both your strengths and weaknesses. Below are key principles that can guide you on this journey:

PRINCIPLE 1: Identify Your Core Values

Your core values are the fundamental beliefs that guide your decisions, shape your behavior, and influence your goals. Understanding your values is crucial for developing your identity because they reflect what is most important to you.

Exercise: Take some time to reflect on what matters most in your life. Is it integrity, kindness, ambition, or creativity? Write down the values that resonate with you, and consider how they influence your daily decisions and long-term goals.

Schedule a session with Terry to clarify your Core Values.

PRINCIPLE 2: Acknowledge Your Strengths and Weaknesses

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and recognizing them is a vital part of developing your identity. Your strengths are the abilities and qualities that come naturally to you, while your weaknesses are areas where you might need improvement or support.

Exercise: Make a list of your strengths and weaknesses. This might include skills, talents, personality traits, or areas of knowledge. Acknowledge your strengths with pride, and view your weaknesses as opportunities for growth rather than flaws.

Create a Plan to Start Living From Your Strengths.

PRINCIPLE 3: Understand Your Personality Type

Your personality type can provide insight into how you interact with the world, make decisions, and relate to others. Understanding your personality type can help you align your life choices with your natural tendencies and preferences.

Exercise: Consider taking a personality assessment, such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) or the Enneagram. These tools can help you understand your personality traits and how they influence your behavior and interactions.

PRINCIPLE 4: Reflect on Your Passions and Interests

Your passions and interests are a reflection of your true self. They can guide you toward activities, careers, and relationships that are in alignment with your identity.

Exercise: Think about the activities or topics that excite you the most. What hobbies, subjects, or causes are you passionate about? How can you incorporate these interests into your daily life and future goals?

PRINCIPLE 5: Embrace Authenticity

Developing your identity is about embracing who you truly are, rather than conforming to external expectations. Authenticity involves living in a way that is true to your values, strengths, personality, and passions.

Exercise: Practice authenticity by making decisions that align with your true self, even if they go against the expectations of others. Notice how living authentically impacts your happiness and sense of fulfillment.

The Role of a Life Coach in Discovering Your Identity

Terry Porter is an Executive Life Coach. Working with clients to clarify and pursue their life dreams.

Working with a life coach can be incredibly beneficial in helping you discover and develop your identity. A life coach provides guidance, support, and exercises designed to help you gain clarity about who you are and what you want in life.

Personalized Guidance

A life coach works with you to explore your values, strengths, personality, and passions. They ask powerful questions that encourage introspection and help you uncover aspects of your identity that you may not have considered.

Accountability and Support

Developing your identity is a continuous process, and a life coach offers accountability to ensure you stay on track. They provide support as you navigate the challenges and uncertainties that come with self-discovery.

Exercises and Tools

Life coaches use various exercises and tools to help you gain insight into your identity. These might include journaling prompts, visualization techniques, or guided reflections that help you connect with your true self.

Example Exercises:

• Value Clarification: A coach may guide you through an exercise where you rank a list of values in order of importance to help you identify your core values.
• Strengths Assessment: A coach might use tools like the CliftonStrengths assessment to help you identify and develop your strengths.
• Personality Exploration: A coach can help you interpret the results of a personality test and understand how your personality type influences your identity and decision-making.

Embrace Your Journey of Self-Discovery

The journey to discovering and developing your identity is a deeply personal one, filled with opportunities for growth, self-reflection, and transformation. By understanding your core values, recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, and embracing your personality type, you can begin to live a life that is true to who you are.

Remember, as Dr. Jordan Peterson advises, “Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient.” Your identity is your own, and living authentically is the key to finding fulfillment and purpose.

If you’re ready to take the next step in your journey of self-discovery, consider working with a life coach like Terry Porter. With personalized guidance, support, and effective exercises, you can gain the clarity and confidence needed to embrace your true self. Reach out today to begin your transformative journey.

Ready to discover your true self? Schedule a free consultation with Terry Porter today and start your journey toward a more authentic and fulfilling life. Visit terry-porter.com to learn more.