How To Help Your Friend Who Struggles with Entitlement

Entitlement is a subtle but pervasive trait that can seep into various aspects of our lives, hindering personal growth and damaging relationships. Identifying entitlement within ourselves is a crucial step toward fostering self-awareness and initiating positive change. In this blog post, we will explore the signs of entitlement and draw insights from John Townsend’s “The Entitlement Cure” and Jordan Peterson’s “The Twelve Rules for Life” to provide practical strategies for overcoming it.

Identifying Entitlement:

Terry with John Townsend. Terry completed his Masters degree in Executive Coaching from Concordia University and the Townsend Institute.

In John Townsend’s “The Entitlement Cure,” the concept of entitlement is dissected into two distinct categories: global entitlement and pocket entitlement. Global entitlement refers to a pervasive mindset where individuals believe they deserve special treatment across various aspects of their lives, from personal relationships to professional endeavors. On the other hand, pocket entitlement is more specific, manifesting as a sense of privilege within particular areas or situations. Townsend underscores that we all grapple with entitlement at times, acknowledging its universality. He notes, “Every one of us struggles with pockets of entitlement in certain areas of our lives. If you’re honest, you’ll admit it too.” This recognition encourages a collective acknowledgment of the human tendency to occasionally succumb to entitlement, fostering a shared understanding that can be instrumental in the journey toward personal growth and resilience.

Entitlement often leads to a belief that one is deserving of special treatment. To recognize entitlement in ourselves, it is important to remain vigilant for signs of unwarranted privilege.

Lack of Accountability:

Entitled individuals may struggle to take responsibility for their actions, deflecting blame onto external factors. This avoidance of accountability can strain personal and professional relationships.

Healthy accountability serves as a transformative catalyst for personal growth and the eradication of entitlement. According to John Townsend’s “The Entitlement Cure,” instilling accountability involves an intentional shift from externalizing blame to internalizing responsibility. To cultivate this mindset, individuals must first recognize their own agency in shaping their lives. By embracing the idea that their choices and actions play a pivotal role in their outcomes, they lay the foundation for genuine accountability. This process requires a commitment to self-reflection, acknowledging mistakes, and actively seeking opportunities for improvement. Townsend encourages individuals to develop a proactive stance towards problem-solving, stating, “Accountability means finding the courage to confront reality, no matter how difficult or uncomfortable, and making changes to align your behavior with your values and goals.” In doing so, individuals not only dismantle the barriers of entitlement but also foster a sense of empowerment, resilience, and continuous self-improvement.

Excessive Expectations:

Unreasonable expectations about life, relationships, or career success can be indicative of entitlement. When these expectations are not met, frustration and dissatisfaction may arise.

To cultivate healthy expectations in personal and professional life, individuals can draw inspiration from Romans 12:2, which encourages a transformative renewal of the mind. Embracing this mindset shift, as emphasized by John Townsend in “The Entitlement Cure,” entails letting go of unrealistic entitlements and adopting a more balanced perspective. Developing healthy expectations involves a realistic appraisal of one’s capabilities, acknowledging the inevitability of challenges, and understanding that success often follows perseverance. It requires individuals to align their expectations with their values and set achievable goals. Townsend emphasizes the importance of embracing a growth-oriented approach, stating, “Realistic expectations create room for growth and success. They help you develop patience and persistence, vital qualities for navigating life’s challenges.” By integrating these principles, individuals can foster a mindset that not only fosters personal and professional growth but also dismantles the shackles of entitlement, leading to a more fulfilling and balanced life.

Difficulty Handling Criticism:

Those grappling with entitlement may find it challenging to accept constructive criticism. Instead of using feedback as an opportunity for growth, they may perceive it as a personal attack.

In the journey to overcome entitlement, learning to receive criticism in a healthy way becomes a pivotal skill. John Townsend, in “The Entitlement Cure,” underscores the importance of understanding that negative feedback is not inherently detrimental but can be a valuable tool for growth. Developing this mindset involves actively listening to criticism without immediately dismissing or becoming defensive. It requires individuals to view feedback as an opportunity for self-reflection and improvement rather than a personal attack. Townsend’s insights align with the idea that constructive criticism, when approached with an open mind, can provide valuable insights and contribute to personal development. By embracing this perspective and using criticism as a tool for growth, individuals not only break free from the confines of entitlement but also foster resilience, adaptability, and a continuous commitment to self-improvement.

Quotes from John Townsend and Jordan Peterson:

In “The Entitlement Cure,” John Townsend explores the roots of entitlement and provides practical advice for overcoming it. Townsend emphasizes the importance of understanding the relationship between entitlement and personal responsibility. He notes, “The entitled person never fully takes responsibility for themselves or their lives. They believe someone or something else should take care of them.”

Jordan Peterson, in “The Twelve Rules for Life,” addresses the broader aspects of personal development. One of his rules, “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today,” encourages self-reflection and highlights the dangers of constant comparison and entitlement.

Ways to Overcome Entitlement:

Cultivate Gratitude:

Townsend suggests that gratitude is an antidote to entitlement. Regularly reflecting on what you are thankful for can shift your focus from perceived shortcomings to the positive aspects of your life.

Growing in gratitude is a transformative process that involves cultivating a mindful awareness of life’s positive aspects. One effective way to foster gratitude is by keeping a daily gratitude journal, where individuals jot down things they are thankful for, both big and small. Taking time each day to reflect on these entries helps shift the focus from what is lacking to what is abundant in life. Engaging in acts of kindness and expressing appreciation to others is another powerful method, as it not only spreads positivity but also reinforces one’s own sense of gratitude. Additionally, spending time in nature and practicing mindfulness can enhance awareness of the present moment, allowing individuals to appreciate the beauty and simplicity around them. John Townsend, in “The Entitlement Cure,” emphasizes that gratitude is a key antidote to entitlement, stating, “Gratitude shifts your focus from what you think you deserve to the good that is present in your life.” By incorporating these practices into daily life, individuals can nurture a mindset of gratitude, leading to increased contentment and a deeper appreciation for the richness of their experiences.

Embrace Personal Responsibility:

Both Townsend and Peterson stress the importance of taking responsibility for one’s actions. Recognize that your choices shape your reality and actively work towards positive change.

The principle of extreme ownership, popularized by former Navy SEALs Jocko Willink and Leif Babin, emphasizes the profound impact of taking full responsibility for one’s actions and circumstances. In the context of overcoming entitlement, embracing personal responsibility is a transformative step toward growth. By adopting an attitude of extreme ownership, individuals acknowledge that they have control over their choices and reactions, dismantling the tendency to feel entitled to certain outcomes. This principle, as echoed in John Townsend’s “The Entitlement Cure,” underscores the importance of self-accountability in fostering a mindset shift. When individuals accept that they are ultimately responsible for their successes, failures, and overall well-being, they empower themselves to make intentional decisions and learn from challenges. This approach not only facilitates personal growth but also serves as a powerful antidote to entitlement, promoting resilience, adaptability, and a proactive engagement with life’s complexities.

Develop Empathy:

Understanding others’ perspectives and practicing empathy can help break the cycle of entitlement. Jordan Peterson’s emphasis on the importance of empathy aligns with this, fostering a more compassionate and connected outlook.

In the journey to overcome entitlement, the skills of attunement and empathy play a crucial role, fostering a deeper understanding of oneself and others. Attunement, as described by relationship expert John Gottman, involves tuning in to the emotions and needs of those around us. By cultivating this skill, individuals become more attuned to the perspectives and feelings of others, breaking down the barriers of entitlement that often stem from a self-centered worldview. Empathy, an integral component of attunement, allows individuals to connect emotionally with others and comprehend their experiences. John Gottman emphasizes the significance of empathy, stating, “Empathy requires that we remember the other person’s perspective, and this perspective is fueled by understanding their feelings.” By actively practicing attunement and empathy, individuals can transcend the confines of entitlement, forging stronger connections and fostering a more compassionate and harmonious approach to interpersonal relationships.

Conclusion:

Entitlement is a challenge that requires introspection, self-awareness, and a commitment to personal growth. By heeding the insights from John Townsend’s “The Entitlement Cure” and Jordan Peterson’s “The Twelve Rules for Life,” individuals can embark on a journey toward a more fulfilling and responsible life. Remember, overcoming entitlement is an ongoing process that involves embracing accountability, cultivating gratitude, and developing empathy for oneself and others.

Terry & Jen Porter

Embark on a transformative journey towards personal growth, resilience, and fulfillment with Executive Life Coach Terry Porter. If you find yourself grappling with issues of entitlement, lacking clarity in your goals, or facing challenges in personal and professional development, now is the time to take action. Terry Porter, with his wealth of experience and expertise, offers a unique life coaching experience tailored to your specific needs. Discover the power of accountability, attunement, and empathy as Terry guides you through a journey of self-discovery and positive transformation. Don’t let entitlement hold you back from the life you deserve – embrace the opportunity to work with Terry Porter and unlock your full potential. Take the first step today and commit to a life-changing experience that will propel you towards a future filled with purpose, growth, and success. Your journey awaits – reach out to Terry Porter and invest in the transformative power of life coaching.