How to Move Past Your Failures With Success:
Terry in South Africa
I have made some big-time blunders in my life.
Some mistakes were Embarrassing at a massive level because they involved other individuals.
One costly mistake cost a colleague a potential client. OUCH! I still feel shame from that one!
In fact, I don’t think there is a week or day that goes by that I don’t screw up something.
Listen to this and see if you can identify with me.
Although I have made big mistakes that cause me to feel bad, the more significant issue with my blunders is what I believe about myself the day, week, or month after the error. I continue to tell myself lies and critical thoughts about WHO I AM.
My negative perception of myself is more damaging than the failure itself.
Can you relate?
Why Are Failures Holding Us Back
The failure itself is not what derails us. We live in a broken world, and we are broken people. No one is perfect, so we have to accept that perfection is not the goal.
However, when we fail, we can believe lies about ourselves that keep us mentally down (depression) and stuck in life (unmotivated to move). We think we’re a FAILURE, and we FEAR the things we need the most to move us forward.
How to DEAL with our thoughts of failure:
We can take steps to move from thoughts of failure to get onto the path of growth. WARNING. These steps are not easy, and as I said above, we ofter FEAR what we need the most. So go back to my other post on GOD, FRIENDS, and WISDOM to help you move past your fears of moving forward.
Step 1: CONFESS
Confession means telling the truth about who you are. The funning thing with confession is that confessing to myself is not as powerful as confessing to others. James 5 tells us to “confess to one another.” When we confess, we are put into a humble/vulnerable stance in life. Confession removes our pride and opens our hearts and mind to be ready for growth.
STEP 2: GET HEALING / MOURN YOUR LOSS
When Jesus delivered the Sermon on the Mount, he gave us several ATTITUDES that we should embrace for a successful life. One of the attitudes is to mourn our losses, for we WILL BE comforted when we mourn. How do we mourn? We allow ourselves to be sad for a time. How long? I don’t know; it all depends on the situation. Healing comes through the mourning process as we connect with God and other healthy people, friends who give us the space to be sad and sit in our sadness. Romans 12 tells us to weep with those who weep.
STEP 3: TAKE IN FORGIVENESS
After a time of mourning, it’s time to accept the good, which is forgiveness. When we fail, specifically if our failure hurts someone else, we have to go to them and ask for forgiveness (own our part). The other person has the right to forgive or not to forgive (you cannot control that or force it). But typically, when we humble ourselves and take a vulnerable stance, the other person will be forgiving. Accept it.
What about when I fail, and it doesn’t affect others? You can still go to God and receive forgiveness from Him. Shame and guilt from our past can keep us down. Nevertheless, God has forgiveness for us when we confess our sins and thoughts to Him.
STEP 4: BE FORGIVING
Forgiveness goes both ways. To be forgiven, we have to practice forgiveness. Learn to be free with forgiveness, both the big things in life and the small things. Give people some slack in life, and remember we all are broken and incomplete. Learning to forgive others (even when they don’t ask for it) will open doors in your heart to new growth and life. Don’t be petty.
STEP 5: REFLECT ON YOUR ACTIONS
We will fail, so learn from them. Take time after each project to reflect and receive feedback on your results. I love the 360-feedback review; it gives the participant accurate info and data to make plans that will move them in life (for growth) both professionally and personally. Learn more about a 360-feeback review here.
STEP 6: SEE WHO YOU REALLY ARE
God says that you are forgiven and that you are his workmanship or treasure. So start living like it. Confess your mistakes and embrace the truth – God Died for you and Forgives you. You are not your failings, you are a child of GOD! You have natural talents that HE GAVE YOU to do great things.
STEP 7: GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION
Finally, permit yourself to try new things. Take a risk, a step of faith that will stretch you. If you fail, you are not a failure. Learn from it and try again. I try many things in my coaching practice to grow it. Some things work, and others don’t. However, I permit myself to KEEP MOVING FORWARD. I know I have skills that God gave me to help my clients move forward in life. I am for them. Permit yourself to take your next step!
Questions:
What’s holding you back from your past (shame, guilt, feelings of failure)?
What will you do today, to move past the mistakes of your past?
Do you need guidance from a coach or counselor?
Notes:
Cloud, Henry & Townsend, John (2002). God will make a way. Thomas Nelson Publishing, Nashville.
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