This past week I started a series of post on Happiness; we will get back that series on Monday. Today however, I want to look at the relationship between your freedom with others, what is loving vs demanding and how to communicate your personal wants and desires with others. Here is the latest blog post from Dr Henry Cloud on this topic:
“Telling other people what you want is key to feeling alive in a relationship and keeping things vibrant for both people. If only one person is getting his or her desires met, the relationship suffers. Unfortunately, many people do not get what they want in a relationship. But, they could if they knew how to communicate their desires.
To have a relationship that works well, we should communicate our wants not outwardly, but inwardly. We should have a “responsibility” talk with ourselves before we have a “talk” with another person. Here are some of the things we will need to do:
• Own our “want” — be honest about what we want, and be aware that our desire is our responsibility.
• Own the feelings that occur when our desire is not getting met — if we are sad, we needs to tell other people, not wait for them to figure it out.
• Choose to communicate and move toward other people to let our wants be known.
• Communicate desire, not demand.
We always have to look at ourselves first to make sure we are doing our part correctly. This is particularly true with wants and desires; others do not magically know what we want, and they need to be told in ways they can accept. So the first conversation has to take place inside.
Freedom is essential to a good relationship. If we’re not free, we can’t love. If people feel as though they can’t say “no” to us and if they do things for us out of compulsion, guilt, or feelings of obligation, they will resent doing those things. If we ask for things we want in ways that make someone feel as though “no” is not ok with us, the relationship turns into a control battle. Freedom and love suffer, and even fulfilled desires can’t fully satisfy because they are not given in love.”
Let’s Talk About This
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Cloud, Dr. Henry. How To Have The Best Relationship of Your Life. boundaries.me. August 23, 2019.