I Want You To Talk About Sex

Many couples are feeling insecure and frustrated in their relationship with each other and it comes down to the sex talk.  No, not with the kids (although that conversation has to happen too), no, between each other.  I believe in a real Satan.  What’s more, I believe that he loves it when a husband and wife do not have open and honest communication.  The biblical book of John says that “…the thief (Satan), comes to steal, kill and destroy…” (John 10:10).  Satan wants to destroy your marriage and he will use all types of schemes against you, even Sex.  So have a conversation about sex with your spouse.

The conversation I’m talking about is this.

“Honey, when you said no to sex last night I felt like you were rejecting me.  I felt very insecure.”

Let’s stop the confusion about wants and needs about sex in the relationship and start talking to each other.

Why Don’t We Talk About Sex as a Couple?

1. We have a faulty view of sex and the purpose of sex within marriage.
2. We have shame and insecurities about our own sexuality.
3. We had a bad or traumatic experience with sex.

Why Couples Need to Talk about Sex.

1. Talking about sex brings our thought-life into “the light”
2. Talking about sex creates a common ground between a couple of what they want, don’t want, and enjoy about the experience.
3. Talking about sex creates a new culture within the relationship that, “as a couple, we WILL talk about tough topics together and work them out.”

Skills to Learn

• To have the sex talk, both individuals have to have a stance that “I love you” and “I am for you” with their partner.  The space needs to be safe.  So stay away from phrases like; “You shouldn’t feel that way.” or “Why would you think I’m rejecting you.”  Just listen to what they say with empathy.
• Learn to Attune Their Emotions – attuning is the ability for you to state the emotions your spouse is having and why they are having them.  Attuning puts you and your partner on the same boat on the same river.  Attuning lets your partner know you are WITH them and understand them and the deep emotions they are experiencing.
• Role-play (the conversation) – I work with my clients to actually role-play the conversation they need to have with their spouse.  It’s an amazing technique because your brain doesn’t realize you’re not having the actual conversation.  The role-play tricks the brain and allows you to work through the anxiety of having the conversation that you have been avoiding.

Let’s Talk

I love working with couples on relationship and communication skills.  Let’s start the coaching conversation today.

• Call: 231-499-9069
• Email: [email protected]