It’s not the affair (although that will kill your marriage).
It’s not dropping the “F” bomb on your spouse (but that doesn’t help either).
It’s small and subtle deceptions.
I heard a quote this week about deception.
“Relationship ends where deception begins.” Dr. John Townsend
Think of your marriage. You’re frustrated with your spouse about something. They pick up on your non-verbals and ask;
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
And you reply, “Nothing.”
And that’s the end of the relationship.
The slow death of your relationship with your spouse.
WHY ARE WE DECEPTIVE?
- We are hurt & frustrated, and we are not sure if sharing the hurt/frustration with our spouse will be received or validated.
- We act in a passive/aggressive way back at our spouse, kind of a “making them pay” for hurting us. Yet, doing it in a subtle way that we can deny it if called out.
- We are ashamed that we would even have these negative feelings about something that is “so petty.” We might even think, “I just need to grow up.”
WHAT WE SHOULD DO
- Be honest with your spouse.
- Share that you feel distant, frustrated, or hurt.
- Listen to their response without judgment.
- Work with a marriage coach with your spouse to develop communication skills in your marriage. (hint, I know a good marriage coach, send me an email for the contact info).
It’s time to kill the deception in your relationships. As the saying goes, “Hoesty is the best policy.” Not just honesty about facts, but honesty about your feelings, wants, and desires. It’s your move, to be honest.