So You Think You’re a Narcissist?

Here’s How to Change and Grow

Realizing that you have narcissistic traits—or even Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)—can be a painful but powerful moment of self-awareness. The good news? Change is possible if you’re truly willing to do the deep work.

If you’ve been told that you lack empathy, manipulate others, or struggle with accountability, it’s time to ask yourself: Am I ready to take responsibility and grow?

This post will guide you through recognizing narcissistic behaviors, understanding their impact, and taking concrete steps toward becoming a healthier, more empathetic person.

Step 1: Recognizing Narcissistic Traits in Yourself

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in narcissism, says:
“The first step in changing narcissistic behavior is radical self-awareness—seeing the patterns, acknowledging them, and understanding how they impact others.”

If you’re wondering whether you exhibit narcissistic behaviors, consider these common signs:

🔹 Lack of Empathy – Do you struggle to see things from others’ perspectives? Do you dismiss people’s feelings or focus more on your own needs?

🔹 Manipulation & Control – Do you use guilt, gaslighting, or charm to get what you want?

🔹 Difficulty Accepting Criticism – Do you react defensively or with anger when someone points out your flaws?

🔹 Entitlement – Do you feel that the rules don’t apply to you or that you deserve special treatment?

🔹 Superficial Relationships – Do you struggle to maintain deep, meaningful connections because of control, dishonesty, or self-centeredness?

🔹 Blame-Shifting – Do you avoid responsibility by blaming others when things go wrong?

If these patterns sound familiar, don’t panic. Acknowledging them is the first step toward healing.

Step 2: Understanding the Root Causes

Narcissism isn’t just about arrogance—it often stems from deep insecurity, childhood wounds, or unmet emotional needs. Many people with narcissistic traits grew up:

✔️ Feeling unseen or emotionally neglected
✔️ Having parents who were highly critical or overly indulgent
✔️ Learning that love was conditional—only given for achievement or status

Dr. Craig Malkin, author of Rethinking Narcissism, explains:
“At the heart of pathological narcissism is a desperate need to feel special, often because deep down, the person fears they are nothing.”

Understanding your own story can help you break free from unhealthy patterns.

Step 3: Building Empathy & Emotional Awareness

Empathy is a skill that can be developed—but it takes work.

✅ Listen Actively – Instead of thinking about your response, truly hear what the other person is saying. Repeat it back in your own words to confirm understanding.

✅ Practice Perspective-Taking – Before reacting, ask yourself: How would I feel if someone treated me this way?

✅ Validate Others’ Emotions – Instead of dismissing someone’s feelings, say: “I see that this is important to you.”

✅ Develop Self-Compassion – When you feel the urge to boast, manipulate, or lash out, ask: What insecurity is driving this reaction?

Step 4: Accepting Accountability

Real change requires owning your mistakes—without excuses.

🔸 Apologize Without Defensiveness – A real apology is not “I’m sorry you feel that way.” It’s “I hurt you, and I take full responsibility for that.”

🔸 Seek Honest Feedback – Ask trusted friends, family, or a therapist: How have I hurt you in the past? What can I do differently?

🔸 Resist the Urge to Control – Instead of manipulating situations or people, practice letting go. Allow others to have their own emotions, opinions, and autonomy.

Step 5: Seek Professional Help

Most people with narcissistic tendencies cannot change alone—and that’s okay. Therapy is crucial for healing.

📌 Find a Therapist Who Specializes in NPD – Someone trained in personality disorders, trauma, or emotional regulation can help you unpack deep-rooted issues.

📌 Consider Group Therapy – Engaging with others in a structured setting can teach healthy relationship dynamics.

📌 Practice Mindfulness & Emotional Regulation – Meditation, journaling, or breathing exercises can help you slow down and make conscious choices instead of reactive ones.

Dr. Jeffrey Young, founder of Schema Therapy, emphasizes:
“Narcissism often masks a deep sense of shame. The work is in addressing that pain, not just ‘fixing’ behaviors.”

Step 6: Focus on Long-Term Growth, Not Quick Fixes

Overcoming narcissistic tendencies is not about changing overnight—it’s about consistently choosing healthier behaviors every day.

✔️ Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection – Growth takes time. Even small wins—like pausing before reacting or apologizing sincerely—matter.

✔️ Surround Yourself with Growth-Oriented People – Build relationships with people who challenge and encourage you.

✔️ Commit to Continuous Learning – Read books on emotional intelligence, healthy relationships, and personal development.

📖 Recommended Reads for Growth:

• Rethinking Narcissism – Dr. Craig Malkin
• The Road Back to You – Ian Morgan Cron & Suzanne Stabile (focuses on self-awareness using the Enneagram)
• Boundaries – Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

Final Thought: You Are Not Your Past

If you’ve been labeled a narcissist, don’t let that define you forever. You have the power to change, but only if you choose to do the hard work.

The journey won’t be easy—but it will be worth it. 💙

➡️ What’s one thing you can start working on today? Let me know in the comments.