Fixing Communication in Your Relationship

How Poor Communication Damages Relationships

In many struggling relationships, communication isn’t the problem—assumption is. Instead of truly listening and seeking to understand, partners often hear words but filter them through their own fears, biases, and past experiences. Instead of clarifying, they assume. Assumptions lead to misunderstanding, resentment, and emotional distance.

When Assumption Replaces Understanding

Consider these common scenarios:

🔹 A wife says to her husband, “I feel lonely.” He assumes she means he’s a failure as a husband, so he shuts down, instead of asking what she really needs.

🔹 A husband says, “I’m stressed about finances.” His wife assumes he’s blaming her for spending too much, so she gets defensive instead of engaging in a productive conversation.

🔹 A spouse says, “I wish we had more time together.” The other assumes it’s a complaint rather than an invitation to reconnect.

In each case, the real message is lost because of unspoken fears and unchecked assumptions. Instead of bringing couples closer, these conversations create distance.

The ROI of Assumption: Broken Trust & Disconnection

Living in assumption rather than truth can slowly erode trust and intimacy. The longer misunderstandings go unchallenged, the more both partners begin to feel unheard, unappreciated, and emotionally disconnected. This affects marriages, children, and family dynamics—often leading to patterns of avoidance, passive aggression, or even the breakdown of the relationship.

As Dr. Henry Cloud puts it:
“Nothing clarifies boundaries more than reality. The problem is, many people live in a reality they have made up in their heads.”

The Skills for Having Hard Conversations

If you recognize assumption-based thinking in your relationship, there’s hope! Healthy communication isn’t about avoiding difficult conversations—it’s about learning to have them well. Here’s how:

✅ Ask, Don’t Assume – Before reacting, pause and ask, “What do you mean by that?” or “Help me understand what you’re feeling.”

✅ Check Your Own Filters – Are you interpreting words through past wounds or insecurities? As Jordan Peterson says, “If you do not understand your own history, you are doomed to repeat it.”

✅ Be Honest About Your Feelings – Instead of assuming your spouse should “just know,” express your needs clearly: “I’m feeling overwhelmed and would love some help.”

✅ Listen With the Goal of Understanding – “What I hear you saying is…” is a powerful way to ensure clarity.

✅ Set a Culture of Truth in Your Marriage – Dr. John Townsend reminds us, “Truth builds trust. When you are clear and honest, you create safety in your relationships.”

Ready to Transform Communication in Your Marriage?

If you’re stuck in cycles of miscommunication and assumption, working with a marriage coach can provide the tools to break free.

As a relationship coach, I help couples:
✔ Identify & break destructive communication patterns
✔ Develop trust through clear, honest dialogue
✔ Create a culture of connection & emotional safety

Terry & Jen Porter

You don’t have to stay stuck. Book a free consultation today, and let’s start the journey toward clarity, connection, and a stronger relationship.

📅 Schedule here: Free Consultation

Your marriage is worth the effort!

— Terry Porter