One Small Change That Could Improve Your Marriage This Week

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
– Galatians 6:9

🌱 The Frustrated Gardener

Last summer, I was standing in the middle of my backyard garden, staring at a cluster of sad, wilted tomato plants. The vines were limp, the leaves were spotted, and there was not a single piece of fruit. I was frustrated.

“I water them,” I muttered to myself.

And I did… once a month, with a five-gallon bucket of water. Surely that should be enough, right?

Then I walked past my neighbor’s fence and saw his lush, vibrant, fruit-producing garden—bursting with life.

“What’s your secret?” I asked.

He smiled. “Five to ten minutes every morning. A little water here, some weeding there. Just small, daily attention. It doesn’t take much—but it takes consistency.”

And there it was: the lesson I didn’t know I needed.

💍 What Your Garden and Your Marriage Have in Common

Many couples come to me feeling like something in their marriage is “off.” They’re still together, still showing up, but it feels dry. Wilted. Like they’re pouring energy in occasionally—but not seeing fruit.

And more often than not, the problem isn’t catastrophic failure—it’s neglect. Not intentional, but passive. Life gets busy. Work, kids, bills, and stress get in the way.

Just like my garden, marriages don’t thrive off occasional bursts of attention. They thrive with small, daily acts of care.

🛠️ The One Small Change: The Daily Check-In

One of the simplest tools I recommend to couples is what I call the Daily Check-In. It takes 5–10 minutes and can radically improve communication, connection, and emotional intimacy.

Here’s how it works:

1. Find a quiet moment (end of the day, after dinner, before bed, or even during a walk).
2. Ask each other 3 simple questions:
   • What was your high today?
   • What was your low?
   • Is there anything you need from me right now?

That’s it. No lectures. No problem-solving unless invited. Just listening, being present, and allowing your spouse to feel seen, safe, and supported.

👥 Real-Life Example: Jason & Emma

Jason and Emma came to me overwhelmed and emotionally disconnected. Their schedules were packed, and their conversations revolved around logistics, not love.

After introducing the Daily Check-In, something shifted. Emma shared that hearing Jason ask her about her “high” and “low” each day made her feel prioritized again. Jason said it gave him space to share without feeling like he had to fix everything.

“It helped us slow down,” they told me. “It reminded us that we’re still a team.”

🧠 Why It Matters

Dr. John Gottman—one of the most respected marriage researchers—found that emotionally attuned couples turn toward each other in small moments up to 20 times more per day than struggling couples.

“Successful marriages are not built on big vacations or grand gestures,” Gottman says, “but on the small things done often.”

Dr. Henry Cloud echoes this truth when he says,

“Love grows when it is given regular, intentional attention. Relationships die not from conflict, but from neglect.”

📣 Take Action Today

Terry & Jen Porter

If your marriage feels a bit dry, don’t wait for a crisis to act. Start small. Try the Daily Check-In for one week and see what happens. It’s not magic—but it is powerful.

And if you’d like help making deeper changes in your relationship, I’d love to come alongside you.

👉 Schedule a free marriage coaching consultation with me today. I meet with clients online via Zoom or in person at my office in Traverse City. Let’s create a plan for lasting connection and growth.

Click here to schedule your free consultation

Let your marriage become like that thriving garden—daily tended, deeply rooted, and full of good fruit.

– Terry Porter
Executive Life & Relationship Coach
Traverse City, MI